I’ve been going for medical appointments, tests, procedures and treatments fast and furious for two years now. I’ve been sent to specialist upon specialist, had more “small sticks” to my arms, and enough MRIs that I should stay away from anything magnetized! I’ve hurried from my work office to so many physicians’ offices that I often forget where I’m going. And lately, out of the desperation pain, fatigue and frustration bring, I’ve spent more time focused on appointments, test results and obtaining records than doing the things I love most.
This morning, I was scheduled for two more procedures. I’ll be honest, when the hospital called yesterday, postponing a biopsy until tests in the new year, part of me thought – “But we need to get it in by the 31st because of our deductible!” (Note: We had to meet three different deductibles this year due to insurance changes.)
But then, I just sat still and I felt God’s Peace come over me. It will be fine. It will all be fine. And I believe that – don’t ask me how considering my current state of mini-hysteria due to our financial struggles – I just do. I believe our God.
This morning, I decided I needed to spend quiet time with the God of All Wisdom, not the sounds of an MRI machine. It was best for me to stop running this race through an extremely confusing, worrisome, exhausting maze. Running this race, while feeling physically battered, has become deeply defeating at times. So I need to take a break from the race.
I know God is wiser than I. He is wiser than every medical professional I have seen (and they’re all great). God knows exactly what is going on with me physically, and how worn it has made me mentally, and at times, emotionally.
It’s Christmas and I haven’t decorated as I love to, nor gone to see others’ decorations. I haven’t baked a cookie, sent the first package or even had pumpkin pie! I’ve been consumed with what every “bad food” will do to my body – not just health, in general, but how I look as well. Today, I’m having a cookie!
So, today…I am resting in knowing GOD IS WISDOM. GOD KNOWS. GOD IS HERE, and will be THERE. He has given me today, and I will spend most of it (Lord willing) doing things I enjoy, things that bring my spirit peace beyond understanding. I will, more than likely, continue battling physical pain and discomfort throughout these hours, but my mind, heart and spirit will be fixed on people, places and things much more lovely. Today, I’m handing over the responsibility of knowing what to do when to The Great Physician whom already has the answers.
Peace to you today.
With love, Laura