I am learning how to trust God in every, single moment I’m alive.
I had always been a fairly healthy person, very fortunate and thankful for my physical wellness. Over the past three years, through multiple surgeries, tests and procedures, I have struggled, and not just physically, but wrestled spiritually with God at times.
Earlier this year, after all those procedures and treatment attempts, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I’m not gonna “fuzzy it up”, it kinda sucks. (I say “kinda” because there are much worse diagnoses people receive and cope with than this.)
But here’s the thing about chronic illness I think commonly shared though. We are all hopeful, waiting for God to restore us. Aren’t we?
Every morning this week, I find myself in tears as I wake…waiting. With each hour that passes…waiting. With every movement…waiting. With every person who asks how I’m feeling…waiting. Waiting to answer them with full honesty when I say, “I’m good.” Waiting.
Living with a chronic illness is not easy in the least. There are moments I cry out, begging God to restore me, to release my pain, to strengthen my weakness. Sometimes I understand how people think God “forgot about” them, and their question, “How could a Loving God allow our suffering?”
And then, almost immediately, I know why I’m living with this illness…so I can better understand the challenges others face, the pain they feel, the seasons of waiting endured. So that when someone else is running low on hope (we all experience), I may share some of mine. I can speak into how my everyday dependency on God carries me, because it does. I can share ways I’ve learned to listen to my body’s pain and how Jesus soothes it through scripture, prayer, worship and loved ones. I can share hope. Little, old, broken me.
That’s good to hang onto, especially during particularly tough weeks, Friend. GOD is good to hang onto, no matter the day. And He’s here, right alongside us. Though “restoration” may not come in the form I yearn for, I believe God is restoring me in ways I cannot measure.
So, I have hope. I have hope in the restoration. And I have hope in the One restoring us.